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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?